There are times that I think that I should write a comic strip, like for example, when I was first thinking about re-entering the dating world...
Title: Why I Can't Date Again... EVER!
Setting:
Local Church Meeting... mid-meeting.
Key Players:
DeeDee, wearing cute purple sundress, LOUD click-clack sandals, and funky, chunky bracelets that insist upon clanging together whenever she walks. Fellow #1, an attractive man in the appropriate age category, apparently also wearing purple... Who says that fashion imps don't play a role in destiny? :)
Segment One:
DeeDee is walking in a very calm, composed manner to the back of the chapel after the choir finished singing-- aside from the consistent click-clack-clank of a certain shoe/bracelet combo-- when Fellow #1 looks up and makes eye contact.
Segment Two:
DeeDee forgets how to walk. Falling over her own two feet, she does manage to avoid the pile of hymnbooks... sort of... and half-falls, half-sits in her proper spot. She even manages to avoid landing in the lap of the stranger sitting in the seat next to her.
Setting:
Post church meeting. Dodging guests who have come to listen to the leaving missionary's farewell talk...
Segment Three:
DeeDee stands to leave and manages to weave her way through the crowd. She has almost passed Fellow #1 when he looks up and doesn't immediately glance away. With a composed smile on her face, DeeDee says hi and keeps right on walking toward the back door while #1 is still standing... er, standing still.
Segment Four:
Narrowly avoiding further mishap, DeeDee reaches the relative safety of the door and exits the room. As she does so, this intrepid girl sees someone out of the corner of her eye. Since DeeDee, as a general rule, is averse to letting doors slam upon innocent victims, she holds the door for the unknown individual.
Segment Five:
Of course, it has to be Fellow #1!
Setting:
The Church Hallway. Minimal eye contact...
Segment Six:
Tall, Blonde, and Attractive thanks DeeDee, who quickly replies, "You're welcome." and attempts to be on her way before she can fall off her shoes, or some other equally embarrassing mishap occurs. (DeeDee is nothing if not chicken....)
Segment Seven:
T.B.A. (see segment six) then states, "Allow me to return the favor." While stammering out a thank you, DeeDee misses the wall by mere millimeters...
Segment Eight:
#1 opens the inner door of the vestibule and rushes to open the outer door as well. While he manages to hold both doors open for our heroine, it is not without personal cost. Very poised as a general rule, #1 manages to bump into the outer door with both his head and his arm in his rush.
Setting:
Just outside of DeeDee's home, carrying an old brass floor lamp by its base from the car to the house.... (Don't ask ridiculous questions like how the lamp came to be involved in the first place-- that's a story for a different day!)
Segment Nine:
Bounding with overflowing excitement from her encounters with this dashing fellow, DeeDee runs up the stairs... still carrying the lamp. Surprisingly, she gains the top of the stairs without further mishap.
Segment Ten:
Our intrepid heroine manages to smack the lamp shade on the overhang above her apartment porch.
Segment Eleven:
Turning helplessly to watch the devastation, DeeDee sees the antique milk-glass lampshade bouncing down the cement stairs, one step at a time. She does manage to avoid the multitude of milk-glass shrapnel that flies off with every bounce... With a deep sigh, she turns to go retrieve a broom and dustpan.
